A Husband’s Tribute

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My Dearest “Archmar”,

            It has been 8760 hours  since you were snatched away from us  by the cold hands of death…these have  been the most difficult days of my life thus far… for death is the only natural phenomena of life that we are  never prepared for nor can we accept no matter when it occurs , how it occurs or how old the person is… yet we must all experience it… how it is handled by us differs from individual to individual and from situation to situation…. but there are certain elements that are just unique to death itself… it creates an illusion as to whether it  is real or not… is this really happening to us… am  I in a dream .. is she/he  really dead…. 

Ultimately, you come to grips with reality that your loved one is no longer with you physically…this creates a very deep seated pain that you must bear… such a pain is like a gigantic hole in your heart.…then the grief  period begins…very difficult time that has no specific time frame…. At times you get mad with your loved ones for leaving but was it up to them?… certainly not…it was all  another natural act of God… you  have to bear the various stages of grief…. These come without any time frames and are not to me in any specific order… there is the shock & denial period.. when you cannot realize what just happened….the excruciating pain and guilt  follows…. This must be experienced by you…For it  cannot be hidden…

Anger and frustration set in .  We  began to ask “why us”…. did we deserve this ??…Depression / frustration set in…the magnitude of one’s  lost is realized….Then comes the upward turn…the adjustment period without the one you loved….Is this possible  you asked yourself…then comes the reconstruction period….The hope  that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.. this is the belief that will take you through all of this… without this you are forever down…finally will come the acceptance & hope period  that  will allow you  to deal with the reality of the situation… such an acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness…given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy…

But you will find a way forward…Friends and family members  would say  to you…you need  to move on… some will say it this is life….it happens all the time…you will get over it…you are being too hard on yourself…..you will hear all sorts of words that are sincerely meant to comfort you…Yet  they do not realize that they are not in your shoes… but  in your mind, you only want to believe for the moment that this  is not really happening… it is a dream…. they do not know your situation and perhaps have not yet experienced  such a lost….. all that is left with you as an individual are the loving/ cheerful  memories of the fun , good  and sad times that you encountered over the years  

As I reminisce about my “kidoh”, my “archmar”, all I can think about  is her desire to live a good life…. indeed, she did…she achieved the goals she set for herself….she even went beyond them…Her day was done on this earth….the Good Lord took her from labor to eternal rest…all of us miss her uplifting  smile…her unique cheerful giggle, her comforting  laugh  and her warmth  that she showed us whenever she was around….she loved folks…She cared for her family, her friends , co-workers and even her known enemies…the sad thing is that we did not get to grow old together as a couple to reach the promised “three scores and ten”  and by his Grace, years beyond that  point …..

But above all I am grateful that I struck that conversation with her back in  1994…neither of us ever thought that this was  the beginning of a lifelong relationship…yet it turned out to be an indelible, enchanting and amazing encounter for  us …… She  will always be my amazingly, loving wife that  I so dearly miss…. Without whom I am very lost…but by His Grace, I do believe that true love will come around again…rest in peace my love…

Until the resurrection….

ANS

 

 

 

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